Category Archives: Death & Dying

Joey’s Passing the 33 hours afterwards

Joey and Serafina behind him

 

I will try and write the highlights of the last 24+ hours since Joey’s passing.  There has been more said between me and my animals and more experiences though these are the ones that are coming to mind just now.  Thank you all for caring.

The day before Joey passed Luca said, “What is the big deal if Joey dies?  He will be a wind being.”  When I brought Joey’s body home Luca asked, “Why wont he wake up? I want him to wake up.”  I told him Joey is a wind being now.  Luca was silent.

 

 

 

After Joey passed Storm asked our veterinarian / friend Dr. Otto “Are there some days where work makes you sad at night? If so you should take a salt bath like my mom does when work makes her sad.”

Later Storm asked me, “We all die dont we?  I know Joey is happy cause I feel him happy but I am sad to have him gone. He was here when I first came to you.  I have always known him.”

 

 

Makia had me cut a piece of her fur to put in Joey’s grave.  Makia said today, “If I was a human I would cry.  Why don’t cats have tears?”  Later she said, “It is so empty with out Joey but I feel him grooming me sometimes and then I feel a warm feeling all around me.  I even see him out of the corner of my eye. I miss him.” 

 

 

Joey had asked me to put some catnip from the plant out front and Serafina’s favorite rainbow catnip toy in the grave with him.  She hugged the toy for ten minutes before it went with Joey.  Serafina said after Joey died, “I saw his spirit fly to heaven and it seemed so high that only a little stream of light was connected to his body and than that was gone.  It left me feeling loved and sad all in one.”  Today she says, “I dont know what to do with myself.  I go to find him and then I realize he is not there.  I feel him grooming me and telling me he loves me then I feel a deep pain in my chest.  I feel him lying next to me sometimes then I just feel empty inside.”

 

 

Bean asked me to put one of her bunny treats in Joey’s grave with him.  Bean says, “It seems like friends die when you are not ready for them to go.  I feel him sleeping in here with me and I feel all the memories of him deep inside of me. I think he is telling them to me.”

 

 

Maia in heaven now says, “I am taking good care of Joey.  I greeted him and there is only part of my soul in heaven because the rest of my soul is in Luca.  I am more concentrated on earth now.  But I was there to welcome him and to love him and I will be with him when ever he needs me.  I am integrating more with Luca and soon Luca will have memories of his life as me.  There is so much to say. But I want you to know Joey is well and he’s not suffering and he is well taken care of by so many here.  He is not lonely.  He is in love and good company.”

Yesterday, I felt Joey strong.  Pretty much every moment I heard him say, “I love you.  I am ok.  You were such a good mom.  I am with lala and Juliette.  I am well.” Often I would have the feeling of him on my lap or snuggling next to me.  The feeling of him being close was strong.

My friend Jim was over for dinner last night and I noticed that there was something in the hallway.  I asked what it was and Jim said Luca was playing with it.  It turned out to be a candle holder Luca took out of the closet.  Just when I thought I better light a candle for Joey a text came through from a friend who said she just lit a candle for Joey.  I took it as sign.  At bed time I lit the candle and it stayed lit till 4am.  I felt Joey with me all night.  Right before the candle went out Serafina and Makia came to bed. We talked about Joey and when the candle burned out we all felt him leave.

Today, he is much more distant.  This is to be expected.  I hear him softly and when I ask him what he is doing and if he is ok he sends me images and feelings of moments in his life.  Snuggling with his paw in my hand, the ripples from the soft breeze of the lakes we lived on, the sound of falling leaves, the feeling of chasing chipmunks in the east coast rock walls, lying next to a fireplace, catching lizards or hearing the bamboo move in the wind.  This is where is. In the essence of all his life. 

I have always thought that Joey was a reincarnation of my child hood dog Jinx.  Right before Joey’s passing my mother texted me a photo of their puppy Ziggy sleeping.  I thought It was Jinx and took it as sign.  He tells me yesterday it is true.  We had lessons we needed to complete together.  I ask him if he died because our puppy, Luca is too much.  He assures me this is not the case and we are lucky to have this past year. He almost died the week after Maia and Dr. Han saved him with herbs.

I know that Joey is well and he is in a good place.  But I miss him terribly.  My experience with Maia not being happy in heaven has made me a little fearful for all the pets I know that have to leave us.  Some of them bring their suffering with them or miss us on earth and want to make their way back quickly.  This is ok because my work helps with this but the feeling that my animal would be in the predicament makes me heartbroken.  Though I should say most animals are in bliss.

I asked Joey if he will come back to me.  After one day this I know and tell clients it is way too soon to really know and the answer can change in any amount of time, but now Joey says he wants me to rest.  I have five animals in my small house and it feels empty with out him.  Though I feel him and have even more signs he is around.  A child calls to his friend Joey outside my window.  I cry and a lady bug appears on my chest.

I want to change the sheets on the bed but I hear over and over how animals mourn when the smell of the deceased disappears from the house.  Makia told me today, “I even smell him mom.  I even smell him.  His spirit comes to me with a smell.”  Where ever Joey is, he is in a good place.  A place with no sadness and he is no longer suffering.  In the days to come we will have more contact with him.  I dont want to bother him but I dont want to abandon him either.  People will say you can never abandon them when they are in heaven but that is not necessarily so.  The more we love them, remember them and live in joy ourselves for them the more they grow on the other side.  Maia was stuck in a dark place once.  That is not something I want to happen to Joey.  (though it turned out that is when Luca was in the womb.  That is for another post – reincarnation and consciousness.)

I know it must be easier for me because I can hear them on the other-side.  But I am human and I still miss my sweet Joey in body. (and the others…)

Thank you to all that have prayed for Joey.  So many people felt him speaking back to the them the day before he died.  I know all your prayers helped open the gates of heaven.

Thank you Caroline for being our good friend and opening up your pet cemetery to us.

Thank you Anna and your husband for digging Joey’s grave next to Maia and for helping me pile up the rocks.

Thank you Jim and Dr. Otto for giving me support and being present when I had to say goodbye to one of my best friends. Thank Dr. Otto for being the best veterinarian and for saying I am a good mom.  That meant the world to me.

This past year, Maia, Joey, five good friends (Chris, Kay, Jere, Donna, Josie) and my grandfather and my grandmother not long before all transitioned to heaven.  May they all reside in love and joy and shine it down upon us.

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Joey Is In Heaven

Joey 4/28/93 – 9/1/11

Joey left for heaven today. He went peacefully in my car with the help of his long time vet / friend Dr. Otto.

Serafina and Makia (cats), Stormy (dog), Jim (human) & I were by his side.

Right before Joey’s spirit left his body he said,

“Mom, Maia & Lala (dogs in spirit) & Juliette (cat in spirit) are running towards me.”

I have been hearing him say that he is in love. Though we are all very sad.

Serafina keeps crying.  She has been his “nurse” for such a long time. Following him around and sleeping where ever he sleeps letting me know which bamboo he is sleeping under at any given moment.

Makia and Bean the bunny are sleeping by his body.

Before we left for the vet Joey asked Makia to come a long because she is his “oldest living friend.”

Stormy knows that heaven is also a wonderful place and Joey is no longer suffering.

Luca is a bit confused and sad that Joey will not “wake up”.

At 5:30 tonight Joey will be buried in my friends Pet Cemetery on Sulphur Mountain next to Maia our wolf dog.

Thank you all for all your support, love and prayers.  Joey felt them and they helped him to pass.

Much love to all of you.

 

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Please Help Joey

Joey

Joey the cat asks,

“I dont feel well & my mom thinks I’m dying but I want to live. So please think of me healthy.  You can say to the angels, ‘please help joey’s body be well-balanced & healthy.  He believes in your power & love so I am sending this out for him.’ & then know that I’m saying thank you for talking to the angels for me.”

I wrote this article about Joey in September 2009.  Joey is now 18 years old.

My former boyfriend and I adopted Joey from a rescue organization at the Westchester, NY County Cat Show when Joey was 6 months old.  I remember walking him in a cardboard box carrier across the Bronx River Parkway and thinking that I was some what grown up.  I was 22 years old and still in college.  Joey is a charcoal gray tabby cat with a white chest and white paws.    Joey has been with me two years longer than any other animal in my home.  That is 14 years.  I believe these to be the highlights of his life:  Before he came to me someone cut his whiskers and kicked him.  He even now can get a little skittish at the sight of legs.  When we lived on the shores of Peach Lake, Joey would go canoeing with me everyday.  He once fell into the lake and actually swam to me to pull him out.  He went on a four-mile walk with my former boyfriend.  When a set of golfers showed up my boyfriend left him on the 8 hole.  Joey waited three hours until I came home from work to search and rescue.  He jumped out the car at gas station somewhere in Kansas where I almost lost him.  He has bum knee from falling out of tree house on the property of a Montecito Horse Ranch.  One day in Upper Ojai, my wolf dog was barking frantically because a coyote had Joey pinned between a rock and a chain link fence.  Joey survived with only a few punctures.  My ex-husband wrote a song about him.

When I ask Joey what he remembers he says,

“I remember the Bad Lands and all the hotels we slept in and how the country looked and smelled different as we traveled and I remember when we didn’t have a home and Boomer the Bunny couldn’t live with us and we slept in a tent and in friends’ houses.  I remember how we lived with a Seymour the Blue and Gold Parrot and how he knew when there were coyotes outside before I did. I remember the pigs, Jezebel and Simon, and how they were so grateful to live with us and eat juice pulp.  I remember all the pet sitters we had and how one of them would go into your closet and wear your dresses.  I remember being scared that a fire was going to burn our house and I remember not being as smart as I am now.   I remember Juliet, cat, and how her spirit taught me how to hunt the day she died and I remember all the types of music you would listen to and I remember how we had a huge organic garden with three different types of catnip and how you put a big net up so that the deer wouldn’t bring their babies into he garden and eat all the food.  I remember eating puzzle pieces and you wondering where the pieces went.  I remember not understanding why I couldn’t go to the bathroom in the potted plants. I remember the smell of wine and all the different kinds of food and treats you would feed me. I remember walking on top of snow and how beautiful it was when it would fall from the sky. I remember how we lived where there were hundreds of stray cats and some of them would want to fight for nothing.  I would hang out in the upstairs of the house in the room that had doorways that opened to the sky and I could see and smell the ocean and the watch the white waves crashing.”

I ask Joey, “What have you learned over the years?”

Joey answers, “I have learned that no fear is worth having, because if you are patient it goes away.  I have learned that the ocean, the forest, and the lands from here to NY sometimes suffer and it is up to humans to make it better.  I have learned that good friends of ours walk slower in the house.  If someone is a guest and they walk quickly they usually are selfish.  I have learned that you can live in the country or he city and either place resides coyotes, but there are no deer in the city.  I have learned it is cooler under the house on hot days and that eating mice makes my body feel healthier.  If you kill a bird mom will be really sad.  I have learned that if someone is mean in might just be because someone hurt them when they were little.  Most of all, saying I love you with a touch of my paw is the most healing for mom when she is sad.” 

Joey adds today 8/29/00,“I have learned that thinking about what you want to create and how you want to be in your body actually helps.  I have learned that I am special and so is everyone else that cares about what animals are thinking and feeling.  I have learned that suffering is temporary and I believe I will know when it is the right time to surrender to death and I do not feel it is the right time yet.  I believe in the power of health and I believe in the power of friends good thoughts for you. That is why I would love it if you could imagine good things for me.”

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Lorenzo

Lorenzo

Lorenzo says from heaven, “Pappy is here in heaven too.  He running in the wind and loves laying in the flowers.”

Lorenzo person says that Pappy is another one of her late chows and Pappy’s ashes are covered with flowers..

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Fred

Fred

Fred says, “I actually think I am many lives old. I think mom and I lived together a long time ago in a place that was Buddhist.  I feel this cause I feel my mom is very connected with breath and with being mindful. I feel like I knew that with her. I almost think we were temple cats.”

Fred has since transitioned to heaven.  May he soar with the angels and visit his person in every breath she takes.

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Maia is back… Energy Flows Both Ways

My animal family and I have decided to keep the six-month-old poodle. His name is Luca, meaning light in Italian. It is hard to imagine that my Maia, a 115-pound wolf dog, would come back as a 30-pound poodle.

In the wilderness I am a bit worried that Luca is coyote/mountain lion bait, where Maia was my protector. When Maia was around we had certain rules around the house to keep the neighborhood safe from her unpredictable (for a mere human) behaviors. The dogs had to wait on the front porch until the hatch of the Jeep was up and I gave them a sign to run and enter the car, and when they got out of the car they were under strict orders to run across the driveway, across the front yard, and up to the front porch to wait for me. Stormy, my Aussie, is not aggressive, so since Maia’s passing I have been more lackadaisical about this rule with him. But Luca does it naturally, still following this routine with prompting from neither Storm nor I.

When I look at Luca out of the corner of my eye, I sometimes see Maia smiling. But I still miss my wolf-dog. I don’t know what I expected from reincarnation, but it is bittersweet to me. It is a wonder they can come back to us, but I wish they lived longer in their bodies.

I ask my animals, “What have you learned about reincarnation?”

Serafina

Serafina, my youngest cat, says, “I learned that if you suffered in life, when you come back to life you can come back more playful and with no pain in your body from your past.”

 

Joey

Joey, my oldest cat, says, “When you come back you forget memories of your old life. It must be odd when others remember you, and you don’t.”

Makia

Makia, my whitest cat, says, “I learned that in heaven you can become more tame. I believe Maia did a lot of work in heaven to come back the way she did. I am proud of her, but I also miss her old self.”

Bean

Bean, my bunny, says, “Sometimes when Luca looks at me I see Maia. I remember being your bunny once before. I believe his memories of being Maia will come back to him slowly.”

Stormy

Stormy, my 12-year-young Aussie says, “I have learned when you come back you have to start friendships all over but they grow faster. You have to learn to trust each other again. Maia learned how to be happy around people by watching me in her old life. She brought back that wisdom into her new life as Luca. I see my friendly eyes in Luca now.”

Luca

Luca, the new poodle, says, “I vaguely remember places and people and I greatly remember being agile. When I came to this family I instantly felt more smart and aware. If I lived with you before, I hope I remember. There is an angel around me that says that I will remember my old life and my life in heaven when I am a little older. They say I must have new experiences first. I feel special but I also feel young compared to the other animals in the house.”

Maia

Maia in heaven says, “Every moment the family enjoys Luca I feel more vibrant. Every time Luca learns something I too have more wisdom. There is a flow of energy between us. Right now it is mostly only directed one way. Luca’s experiences flow to me. It is too early to let my wisdom completely flow to him. I have been integrated with all my past lives. I remember them all. As Luca lives, my higher self becomes greater. Once he has a solid basis of learning and being an individual in the world, my life as Maia and all our past lives will integrate more with Luca in your world. Luca is me. I am Luca. This is our path toward enlightenment, awareness, and expansive consciousness.

“I do laugh when I see how he is not that familiar with the forest. Mom, do not worry. I will make sure he remembers to listen, smell, and see like a wolf. All things in time. I will be back even more.”

How strange and wonderful for us all. Maia stretched my awareness in her last life; it seems she is my greatest teacher in her new life as well.

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Taz

TAZ

Taz says from heaven, “I am glad I died the way I did. It was as if a rose came down from the sky and lifted me up in its petals. Though the rose smelled like a meat I like. Hamburger. It was really nice.

Heaven is the sort of place where you can be home and rest while you start to understand what is happening. I have a place here that if I go into shock about where I am I can go to sleep and rest.  The place looks like mom and dads bedroom.  I can live in the house the way it used to be when I lived there and that gives me moments of a break.

I will always love my mom too. We will always be connected. Mom I promise we will be connected. “

Every animal / being enters heaven in a different way.  Taz was carried by a rose smelling like a hamburger.

Sometimes when animals are not fully prepared to die they find themselves in a realm in heaven that looks and feels remarkably like their home on earth. Often at this realm there are mirror images of their humans.  I like to think that this is our higher power or our over-soul comforting our pets.

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Is Our New Puppy Maia Reincarniated? Day 2

Maia, my late wolf dog from heaven, told me that she was coming back into body. She told me where to find her, how she would be cared for, when she would come back, and what she would look like. I found the pup. He is a six-month-old poodle. He is smartest six-month-old puppy I have ever worked with. In two days, he is housebroken, walks on leash, and knows the commands “off” and “wait.”

Though he doesn’t know he is Maia, and after two days of having him home, my animal family and I are confused. We are tired and torn. We don’t want give back “Maia,” but we want to be happy. He has a lot of energy for this older household, and he takes me away from work. We have until Sunday to decide. Here my animals tell what they think:

Stormy, my 12-year-old Aussie says, “I like him. I think he is very intelligent but it is hard to have him in the house because he plays with all my toys, wants to eat my food, and is always following you around. He is faster than me and it makes me feel old. Sometimes I think he is Maia, but it makes me sad that it is not the Maia I used to know. It is a different dog, but I see her in him. It makes me miss Maia even more. I don’t want him here cause it makes me feel old like I am going to die soon.”

Joey, oldest cat, says, “I think it is definitely Maia ’cause when he runs around he reminds me of Maia but more graceful. I can hear Maia saying she is him. I think we should keep him, but I am going to stay up high until Serafina, Stormy, and you train him not to bother me. It’s Maia. I see it.”

Serafina, youngest cat, says, “I am not sure what to think. Maia was more intense and I had to look out for her teeth, and this dog runs away from me when I hiss at it. I have to hide a lot because I am worried that he will open his teeth; but he doesn’t. I think we should keep him because if he is Maia and Maia becomes more conscious in that body, she will be very sad we gave her away. What if we want to come back one day? We wouldn’t want you to give us up just because it is hard and confusing in the beginning.”

Makia the cat says, “I think that it is Maia and that it is going to take us time to get used to her in a new body. I keep getting scared he will hurt me, but I have seen that he has not hurt me. It is strange because he doesn’t talk to us like he is Maia and that is very sad to me. I can hear Maia from far away and I want to hear her from in his body. Will that happen?”

Bean says, “He does not look anything like Maia. Maia was much bigger and Maia chased me sometimes and also lay with me sometimes. When he barks he makes me nervous, but when I am outside with him loose, I feel safe. Maia knew more about nature. He just knows about the house. I’m fine with him being here as long as he is quiet.”

The puppy says, “I want to stay here really badly. I have been trying hard to be good. I think that older dog is very wise and I want to be like him. I didn’t know animals could talk so much to each other. I feel like they know me and I know them but I don’t know how. I wonder if this Maia was smart. I don’t know how I could be one dog and then another. How does that work?”

Maia, from heaven, says, “There are many parts of our soul. He is just one part of mine, but we are all connected. If the part of my soul that is “Maia” goes into his body, I will have to bring the fears and territorial wolf behavior in with me. Right now only the best of me came back into that dog. He has to grow and experience life in a new way, and then I can be more integrated. It is truly me inside that dog. I am scared you are going to give me up. I am scared that you all don’t love me. But I can see it is strange. The more he is happy with you, the more me as “Maia” is happy here in heaven. It is like we feed each other. I am in my over-soul. Please trust the process. Stormy and the cats and Bean will be okay. Please trust that it is me.”

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Do Animals Reincarnate?

Hi Laura,

A question that haunts me: Do animals choose the circumstances they end up in just like humans do before reincarnating?

Thanks,

Ruthie

- – -

Let’s ask my animals this question.

Makia the cat says, “I am not sure if I choose it or if it was chosen for me. I remember being in heaven and wanting to live someplace tropical with beautiful flowers, butterflies, and birds. Then I remember this big tabby cat telling me I had to go and meet you and you don’t live in a place like that. I remember being disappointment but saying okay. I am happy I live with you because I feel like I am wiser than I would have been anywhere else, but I still wish we lived somewhere tropical.”

Serafina the cat says, “I don’t remember heaven, but I bet I did because when you found me, I thought, ‘There is my mom. She’ll take me home now.’ So I am sure I did choose my life. I don’t remember choosing being thrown out of a car but it led me to you so maybe I did.”

Joey the cat says, “Yes, I remember it well. I said I want to be brave in this life, so that big tabby cat Makia talked about said to me, ‘Then we will put you in a home with crazy kids to create fear and then we will put you in a good home so that you can become brave.’ I am very brave now. I also remember deceased human spiritual masters telling me that I would teach people that animals have thoughts and feelings. They said it was a big job.”

Bean the rabbit says, “I don’t know why I would ever choose to be treated roughly by people. That sounds ridiculous. God must have been mad at me. I am sure I chose to live with you—someone that gives me treats and salad mix every night. Every moment I choose to be grateful and trusting rather than nervous and scared. Maybe I chose the first experience so that I know the value of trust and gratitude.”

Storm the Aussie dog says, “I remember looking at people and choosing you. I remember talking to a being about living with a wolf dog and being her teacher. I remember how the angels told me I would be a dog that would help many beings smile and feel complete. I know I chose my life. I didn’t choose every experience because I think we all have free will when we are here, but I definitely chose my life and what I would learn and give during it. I always strive to make others happy. That is my job. You have to make wise decisions once you are here.”

Maia wolf dog from heaven says, “I have chosen all of my lives. The reason why I chose to be beaten and abused during my past life is because I had to learn that someone would not give up on me and that I could transcend anything. It was a test in faith and perseverance for my person and myself. I had to endure a great amount of suffering so that my spirit would know great pain. My spirit needed to know this so that in my next life I can spread hope and the image of a much greater life for those who suffer. My person had to experience that as well. We may not choose every incident, but we choose our general lessons. Storm is right. Then it is up to us to make wiser decisions and grow—otherwise our suffering will continue for lifetimes. It is important to value good teachers and your own inner strength. Our lives once we get to earth are we what we make of them.

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Buddy

Buddy

Buddy describes where he is in heaven, “Where I am is like a painting with trees a pond and rainbow colored leaves.  It is beautiful place mom would really like it.  There is a cabin here with a wood burning stove like home.  This is my heaven cause it feels comfortable.  There are are some cats here.  They are nice cats and they rub up against me.

I have friends here and sometimes I feel troubled cause mom is worried and I want to say to her don’t worry I am on the high side of the heavenly mountain.  That means I am in the brightest part there is no darkness here like sometimes if you crave night time the night will come instantly but mostly I like to sleep in the sun during the day.

Its remarkably pretty and there is a woman here that says I am nice looking dog and she taught my mom some things when my mom was little and now she is going to teach me some things.  I am smart.”

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