Daily Blog

On the car ride home, Storm my Aussie sat in the front seat and Maia’s dead body laid peacefully in the back seat.  “What did you think?” I asked Stormy.  He replied, “I think it was more scary for me than it was for Maia.”

“Did you feel her spirit leave her body?” I asked.

Storm replied, “Mom, I thought ‘what is this beautiful feeling?’ and then I realized it feels like Maia.” Then he asked, “Mom will anything else use her body?  Will another spirit take it over?”

I explained to him that her body was old and dying and that is why her spirit had to leave.

Later on that night he told me that he had seen “a gray foggy staticy entity try to enter into Maia’s body.  It scared me.  Maia’s spirit growled at it and then I zapped it with my brain until it went away.”

Before we buried Maia I took her body home so that Joey, Makia, Serafina (the cats) and Bean the bunny could all get into the backseat of the car and see her body without her spirit.  This, I feel, is very important for the other animals in the family to see.  They all remarked that “Maia looks like she is sleeping?” Serafina had told me earlier in the day that she did not want to see Maia’s dead body because, “One time I found my kitty friend dead in the bushes and she smelled bad and her skin was mostly gone.  It was terrifying.” I made Serafina see Maia’s body so she would know that is not how you look right after you die.  Serafina says now,“I feel good that I saw Maia’s body at rest because now I know that you don’t always have to die with out anyone loving you and taking care of you.” Now Serafina says, “Maia tells me she is wonderful and I should be better friend with everyone because I will feel sorry I wasn’t after I die.  I miss her so much.  She had the best energy.  She taught me it is important to watch the rhythms of nature.  She said that if I start to recognize natures patterns I will be able to know when it is the best time to catch a bird.” I have to remind her we live in a no kill zone.

Bean the bunny remarked, “I was wondering why you took me out to the car and then I saw Maia and she looked like she is sleeping and now I miss her staring at me when she is lying in our room.  Maia was my giant dog friend and often she would tell me that wolves usually eat bunnies but she knows better so I never need to be afraid of her.  Now in spirit she tells me that I must let mom tame me more and the more I listen to my mom the more I can run around the house and sit on her lap while she is on the couch.  Maia still cares about me now even though she lives far away in another part of air.”

Makia has said to me, “Maia has talked to me when she is gone and she told me that it is remarkable that we were friends considering she was such a large part wolf.  She told me she is sorry for hitting me too hard with her nose or when she used to chase after me.  She says I should stop fighting with Serafina because when you get to heaven all the reasons that you fight with others don’t make any sense.  She also told me that I will not need to be brushed everyday to have my body feel good because there is not extra fur there or any pain.”

Joey tells me, “Mom, I want to go and join Maia.  My eyes hurt from the seizures and I can not see at all anymore.  My neck hurts and I can no longer play with out feeling dizzy and nauseous.  Mom we are still family whether I am here or there.  You can let me go now.” I tell him there is no way he is going and we are going to get him better and I can not handle another animal passing.  I have seen it many times before animal after animal in the same family leaving the psychical world one after the other.  He says, “Maia says that she will meet me there.  Maia says that I can come back as a child if I want.  She says I am very wise for a cat.  She says that you will be OK.  I think I am going to die in my sleep in a couple of days.”

We all know Maia was in a great amount of pain.  The house is different.  It is not just the empty space but it is not having something wild anymore in the house.  The sun rise and sun set go by with out much of an event.  Feeding time is not governed by when the pacing in the house starts.  Everything is more domesticated.  Maia was a very docile domesticated wolf that slept a lot in her old age, but even that energy gone is a huge change.

I can hear Maia now saying she wants to come back to me.  Saying she wants to be an Aussie from Stormy’s family.  She says I need someone to run with.  I want her back but need some time.  She says it maybe soon but it will be perfect.  I fantazize of having her and Stormy as puppies.  She says it maybe sooner.

Stormy says, “mom, I want Maia back too and if she comes back as a young puppy what ever it is we can handle it.  I miss her but I know she is ok.  I know where she is is really special.  Right now I want to mourn her.  But if I see her again, I will know it is her.  I am sad right now.  Life has already drastically changed.  I thought I would enjoy my freedom and it is nice to be able to go to more places but I miss her company.  I miss her insights.  I miss her.  That is really hard.”

I remember times when I thought that when Maia died I wont have to spend so much money on meat, that I can lift all the rugs off the floor and it will be easy to sweep that I will be able to go downtown with Stormy that I wont have to worry about her health all the time.  Now all that stuff seems so silly.  I wish the carpets where still there and I had Maia walking around and had to give her all her supplements.  But I know she is at peace and she doesn’t want me to feel guilty of those thoughts.

Last night my friend Jim had a dream of Maia running in an open field playing with a Charub baby.

My little angel.

Storm and Maia last year

“Mom, I am ready to go.” Maia, my 14.5 year-old wolf dog, said to me one day.  “I want to hear it three days in a row.” I replied.  She said this to me a few days after she fell off the bed.  The falling episode happened at 6am and caused her a great amount of pain.  From that day forward her wolf instincts would wake me up at 5:45am to help her off the bed and into the other room.  At 6:30 she could, if I wanted her to, get back on my bed.  Day 2. “Mom, I am ready to go.” I was stalling and replied, “I want to have your picture taken. Can you wait?  It will be on Day 4.”  Maia agreed saying, “I would love to have our photo taken. I want to be in your book that changes the world. That I can wait for.” On Day 3, I avoided the subject and I said things like, “I don’t mind lifting your hind legs so you can walk around.  We can do this for years.  I don’t care if you poop in the house.  I am just glad you are pooping.  Maybe we will try the heavy muscle building pharmaceuticals.  Maybe that will help.”  Day 4. Stormy (my Aussie), Maia and I meet Grace, the pet photographer, at Griffith Park.  A coyote scavenges for food in our general vicinity.  Maia and Stormy walk side by side.  Maia smiles and looks in the camera.  She tells Grace, “I can tell you capture everyone’s soul.  Thank you.” Grace says she hopes Maia lives longer.  I say she probably will.  On the car ride home I hear, “Mom, I got my picture taken, now I am ready to go”.  I cry.  That night I take her to my friend Caroline’s so Maia can eat horse poop.  At home Maia says, “That was a perfect last day.” Then she asks if her doctor can be the one that euthanizes her.  At 4:15pm the next day, I drive her to Carpinteria to a park by the beach.  Our appointment is at 5:10.  “I have been to this park before” she says and refuses to get out of the car.  “This is perfect here,” She says about the blue comforter I laid across the dog beds in the back of Jeep. “I am just going to tell the doctor, ‘I am not moving.  This is where you have to do it and tell him thank you for being my medicine man.” Storm and Maia ate cat food and my friend Jim brought them a hamburger.  At 5:30 Dr. Otto gives Maia the sedative with Stormy lying beside her and her head cupped in my hands.  As Maia falls asleep, for 15 minutes I send her telepathic affirmations about how perfect she is, how brave and conscious, and how she has overcome so many obstacles.  I tell her I owe all of what I know to her.  I tell her I love her.  I tell her to drift out of her body and that we are connected by a golden ribbon.  To my surprise I can still hear her. She tells me of dog friends she is seeing.  She tells me she loves me.  She tells she is scared.  She tells me of the golden ribbon and how she is no longer frightened. Right before her soul leaves her body she says she sees my grandmother holding a gigantic beef bone.  She says my grandmother is telling her that her teeth will not hurt her when she eats it. Storm and I feel her beautiful strong soul lift and engulf us accompanied by a gentle breeze.  We are sad.  We take her body home so her three cats and bunny (Joey, Makia, Serafina, & Bean) can see her body then we wrap Maia in a white sheet and bury her at Caroline’s pet cemetery.  There Maia once said, “Here it feels like heaven.”

Remarkably, I can still hear her now.  She is very distant.  She says she can watch us but she is not yet allowed to come closer.  She says it is amazing that I can hear her.  She says of the others that she is with that their loved ones on earth cannot hear them.  Maia says she is learning. When I feel bad for times I got frustrated with her or feeling like I could have done more I hear her faintly say, “None of that matters.  You were perfect.” She tells me, “I will always look out for you.”   She tells me she is reviewing parts of her life.  She looks at the abuse, the wolf in her vs. the dog, how she has known love, and how she feels “smart” in heaven because she had a human that could talk to her and could hear her thoughts.  She says she is learning quickly and is moving up dimensions.  She assures that in a few days she will feel closer. Here on earth, my animal family and I are so grateful that we can still hear her, but the empty space in the house brings us often to deep sadness.  Maia in her physical form will be missed greatly.  I am so honored to have been her caretaker.  Maia, we miss you and love you.

Maia Has Journeyed To Heaven

Maia has made her journey to heaven peacefully on the full moon early evening of 08-24-10.  We all miss her terribly.  She said she had a “Perfect Last Day”.  more of the story later…

Thank you Jim, Caroline, Dr. Otto, Grace, & Arthur for all you have done for me and my animal family during Maia’s last days.  With much love and gratitude.