Living In Joy

First published in the Santa Barbara News-Press

March 20, 2019

I used to feel so much suffering of others that I would spend a full day in bed each week, literally sleeping just to feel “normal”.   I once spoke to a bear actor whose kidneys were in so much pain that the next day my back went out and I could not walk for three days, I have cried countless nights over clients animals dying of cancer, bunnies getting beauty products poured in their eyes, or people I know dying.

On my days off, I stayed in the woods avoiding people so that I didn’t have to feel the pain that I saw in their eyes.  To take away the terror I saw in the world, I tried: meditating, juice fasting, bananas, sugar, herbs, salt baths, smudging sage, swimming, surfing, dirt bike riding, smoking pot, riding horses, calling in angels for protection, yoga, putting gold light around me, reading, neflix binges, countless hours of audible and podcast listening.  All of them sustaining me into normalcy.  What has helped me the most? The woods, audible, swimming, meditating, bananas, juicing, and spiritual protection are all a part of my daily routine with some of the others mixed in.

To be a great psychic, one has to know themselves. Know your thoughts, feelings and associations so that you can decipher what’s streaming through your consciousness. One has to be committed to self-growth and climb that ladder of self-discovery. One must be able say to yourself or others, “I got it wrong. I am sorry. I messed up.”  or, “It wasn’t my fault. What can I learn from this in order to help myself and others out of suffering?”

I have never had a problem with having compassion for others’ plights, but this too is a lesson. It’s important to have boundaries on how other’s actions effect you. Whether it’s a person who is not dealing with their own stuff or a dog who is acting aggressive on a walk, there should still be boundaries. Once I realized that others’ pasts are not an excuse to stay in the pattern of bad behavior, some people drifted away while others started to show up in unexpected ways.  People respected me and the animals stepped into more peaceful roles. I was content, but I still wasn’t living my fullest potential.

Because my heart was a sponge to suffering, I felt guilty for being happy when so many are hurting.  I could rejoice in others happiness but felt guilty for my own.  I realize now, we don’t have to suffer with the world just because we are committed to helping it.  Of course, there are times when the sadness overtakes us, but it doesn’t have to rule us.  Why didn’t I see this before? I intellectually knew it, but did I not feel worthy of feeling my own joy?

I saw all the beauty in secret. The people that smile engaged in a passion, flowers that are blooming, the way the light shines off the ocean, the animals that are miraculously healing, the intense love I receive from people about my work, the way my spirit feels when I make love, meditate, surf and swim and how it feels to share an accomplishment or an awesome idea.  Why did I hold that in secret, not letting it radiate from my heart?

I don’t have to stay in the frequency of the suffering that I deal with daily. It’s ok to experience more bliss than suffering.  The pains of the world still matter if I go out into the world radiating joy.

Won’t we be more productive working through hearts continually fueled by love than hearts constantly suffering with others? Do many of us need to ask ourselves this?

Makia my late cat once said,

“Make joy a priority.”