Since Joey has decided to go off the Methimazole he has had one big seizure and one small one.  The big seizure was different then his last “drunken episode”.  This one was a tilt and ticking of the head and scratching at his face.  He made his lip and chin bleed.  As you can imagine, I was very upset and wanted to put him back on the Methimazole. Joey refused.   So I increased his dosage of Resthryo.  He likes the way this supplement makes him feel.  He says that on the Methimazole his heart races but his body is like a zombie.   I am now giving Joey .03ml of Resthryo at 6am and noon.  At 6pm he gets .0350.  Today I noticed the animals in the house have fleas so I very hesitantly put Advantage on him.  I hated doing it and this afternoon he had his mini seizure.  When Joey is at his worse he is very unhappy, agitated and will hiss at us if we get to close to him.  This is because his smell sense is stronger at these times and any different smell makes him feel nauseous.  I forgot to mention his blood work while he was on the Methimazole showed that his liver is having problems and the doctor noticed a heart murmur.  I feel good about him being off it.

The other day Joey asked me, “Why is God doing this to us?  Is God mad at us?”

Today Joey said, “Why do animals suffer?  What is the meaning of it?” I told him human suffer too and he said, “I don’t know why these things happen.”

I have stopped obsessively weighing him.  The scale will not allow me to do it.  For some reason I always weigh less holding him on the scale then when I am on the scale by myself.  Seriously faulty scale.

I am having a hard time watching him suffer and know that I have be positive. Why cant he live longer.  Perhaps there will be a miracle.  Why not?

Today I saw my deceased Great Grandfather sitting on a chair in my living room.  He was a doctor in his lifetime and often traded operations for eggs or chickens.  My mother told me he took out her tonsils in their living room and showed her them in a bottle.   I said, “Nonno, please help Joey.”  He told me he would operate on Joey’s thyroid and proceeded t tell me a story I did not remember.  He said he has a memory of  me playing with kittens that where born under their log house on Candlewood Lake in Ct.  He said my mother and father kept coming outside and making me leave the kittens alone to wash my hands.  He said he enjoyed watching me wash my hands, sneak out a side door, and go right back to the kittens.  I remember that log house well, but I do not remember the kittens.  I remember card games on Nonno knee and how I was a proud Italian.  That cabin still sits directly on the lake with a soft green grass lawn leading up to a tree swing and the dock.  My grandpa would take us boating to the coves. Many years later I found a letter Nonno wrote to my grandpa while he was fighting in Guadalcanal.  He told my grandfather that lake was eerie and quiet that summer because there was no fuel for the boats.

I find myself feeling blessed Joey will be in Nonno’s hands, but I find myself wondering if he can really cure Joey.  When just the other day, Maia told me “Don’t worry Mom.  I will take Joey in his sleep tonight.” Joey woke up to another day and Maia said she couldn’t make it happen like she thought she could.  I believe in their help.  I must think positive with 100% belief that Joey can be cured.

Joey’s words, “I am going to get better.  I am not too old.  I can feel my body healing and if this is not true and I die I have lived a good life and I have family in heaven.  Who ever tells my mom that I should be on the Methimazole does not know me nor my mom well.  That burned the inside of my body.  When I am having my seizures I know they will go away.  I am not scared of the suffering.  If you know a cat that gets anxious and aggressive to you when they are sick please understand that they love you and their senses are going hectic.  It’s not truly our real feelings.  I hiss and swat but I really want to cuddle.  Just my body doesn’t want to.  But now at night time, I feel like cuddling and I know I am better cause on the other drug I didn’t want to be around anyone.”